This weekend National Black Marriage Day will be celebrated around the country in over 300 different cities. The Divore rate in our community is out of control and we have to stop it. Here’s my guest bloggers for today Eric & Elaine Johnson, Your Make Love Work Coaches, on “How important is it to spend time with your spouse?” or “Why is it important for husband and wives to spend time with one another?’
How not to jeopardize your career as a professional spouse!
Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’town it, but you can use it. You can’t keepit, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost ityou can never get it back.” – Harvey MacKay. How ironic is it to say that this applies in every relationship you have and more so in your life-long relationship – marriage. Your love for another is priceless, but you can’t master them. You can’t keep them if you don’t spend time with them. When you lose them you may never fully get them back.
In Spike Lee’s 1991 blockbuster hit film “Jungle Fever”, starring Wesley Snipes and AnnabellaSciorra, Wesley’s character, Flipper, had a strong relationship with his wife Drew, played by Lonnette McKee. Flipper was a successful architect and Drew was successful in what she did which appears to be due to their secure foundation in their relationship with each other one could argue. Flipper and Drew had habits that were centered on quality time and attendance.Will come back to this.
You might ask, “What do you mean by, “Time and Attendance”, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson? All who are gainfully employed or have ever been employed know that your time and attendance determines how far you can go up the corporate ladder. Whether you show up and do what you’re told – nothing more, nothing less, or if you’re the first one there and the last one to leave, time and attendance are both going to write you a check. However, the value of that time determines your success. When it’s time for promotion, the one who not only gives time, but gives time along with initiative will be the first to be considered. When there is a deficit in time the rewards also decrease. This is also true in relationships as Jungle Fever illustrates.
When Flipper began to spend more time at work a deficit began to grow at home. This deficit ultimately bankrupts him and cost him his family, reputation and dignity. He was robbing Peter to pay Paul. We all know what happens when you do that!Flipper had time to spend – he just chose to spend it somewhere other than at home with his family. He was a no call no show to his position as husband and father. No call no show in corporate America leads to an automatic termination!
So question is, “How important is it to spend time with your spouse?” or “Why is it important for husbands and wives to spend time with one another?” The answer lies in the AM, the morning of the relationship. This is when your desire for your spouse, then stranger, was Activated. Seconds later, you were Motivated to approach this stranger.
During this time of bliss and glee there was not enough time in the day to spend with your brand new love interest. You understood them! You thought of them while they were away! You thought of new things to talk about because they were so interesting. They were interesting enough to marry. Interesting enough for you to have and to hold! This time should be the foundation of a lifetime, rather than a fleeting honeymoon period. If your spouse is not that interesting after you got married – you made them that way. LOL
Here are a couple of tips about spending time together:
- Quality time is necessary in establishing a strong relationship.
- It adds security, comfort and develops understanding. Communication is inevitable. Be sure to talk to and not at each other.
- The way to exercise this is to appreciate each other.
- Demonstrate and say with your actions and conduct how much you admire your spouse for his/her good deeds and qualities. Pause and Applaud each other.
- Manage the balance of dependence and independence because a lot of partners dislike when there is a propensity to cling, then they feel that they are entrapped in the relationship.
- Doing activities collectively brings joy to both partners.
- Choose and plan excursions or intimate dinners and spice up your romance.
If you find yourself in Flipper from Jungle Fever shoes’, spending time with your spouse is the antibiotic to rid you of that nasty fever. Realize your spending is actually investing. Invest in the portfolio of Your Marriage INC., the returns are immeasurable. Be a pro spouse! A professional spouse! The first one there and the last one to leave! You’ll be at the top of the love ladder in no time!
In 2004, Eric and Elaine launched Optimum Lifestyle Community Development Corporation, a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization to strengthen marriages and families by providing marriage enrichment, financial management, AIDS and domestic violence training, abstinence education and life-skills and development. Since 2004, Optimum Lifestyle CDC has served over 3,000 of Houston area individuals and families with various collaborating organizations. In conjunction with these organizations, they have been able to offer a wide range of innovative programs designed to meet the multiple needs of marriages.
The Johnson’s believe we should live our best life because there is only one life to live… an Optimum Lifestyle! This belief is demonstrated in their personal lives through the love that flows from them and their six amazing daughters. Eric and Elaine currently reside in Houston, Texas with their daughters.
Photo by Evin Thayer Studios