In the first chapter of my book entitled Touch: pressing against the wounds of a broken world I tell the story of my dad’s pivotal lessons to me as a young street kid in development. He would live to tell me two things: “never play with God” and to “never trust preachers and church people,” of which he would conclude “because they are full of _ _ _ _.” My dad’s perspective of preachers evolved out of a generalization of religious leaders and years of observing unscrupulous preachers operate like pimps in his childhood neighborhood. Like a pimp, the preacher dressed well, had open access to the ladies, and lived very well off of the sweat equity of other’s and was able to do all of this without a commitment to right living, maintaining a pure heart, or defending the helpless and hopeless.
After years of living on the other side of God, 20 years ago at 34 I became a Christian and two years later a pastor making the commitment to live the tenets of the faith Jesus modeled 2000 years earlier. Tenets which include healthy doses of humility, living ethically, practicing mercy, possessing a pure heart, enduring hardship, and making peace with others and self as often as possible. Ethical living is a responsibility of all practitioners of the faith but not in a weird heavy handed, autocratic, dictatorial way but instead in the way effective leadership moves communities, corporations, and causes forward without casualties. A lack of faithful living among 21st century religious practitioners appears to be the greatest challenge to the future of the church in recent years and is carving a deep scar visible to skeptics, critics, and the future faithful. Manifestations of abusive churches and abusive religious leaders are causing undeterminable departures from religious affiliation like never before in the history of the church, especially among a younger demographic in the U.S. and around the world. John Engler’s review of Ken Blue’s 1993 book entitled “Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences (Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove, IL.) provides a thought provoking analysis of the challenges of spiritually abusive leaders and churches. Ken Blue offers the following list of characteristics of an abusive church:
1. Abusive leaders base their spiritual authority on their position or office rather than on their service to the group. Their style of leadership is authoritarian.
2. Leaders in abusive churches often say one thing but do another. Their words and deeds do not match.
3. They manipulate people by making them feel guilty for not measuring up spiritually. They lay heavy religious loads on people and make no effort to lift those loads. You know you are in an abusive church if the loads just keep getting heavier.
4. Abusive leaders are preoccupied with looking good. They labor to keep up appearance. They stifle any criticism that puts them in a bad light.
5. They seek honorific titles and special privileges that elevate them above the group. They promote a class system with themselves at the top.
6. Their communication is not straight. Their speech becomes especially vague and confusing when they are defending themselves.
7. They major on minor issues to the neglect of the truly important ones. They are conscientious about religious details but neglect God’s larger agendas.
If you are a religious professional and have slipped into counter-productive patterns of abuse, stop immediately and get therapeutic help. If you are in a religious setting that manifest any of these attributes, ease out the side door and run as fast as you can to a place that respects your intelligence, your humanity, and provides a safe place for your spirit. If you have checked out of organized religion because of a negative experience, considering returning again to faith practice this time with open eyes and an open heart. I learned many years ago that “hurt people” have tendency to “hurt people.” The only answer to this dilemma is the response learned at the feet of Jesus and that is “loving people” have tendency to “love people.” There is no more time for pimping, hustling, and hurting… It’s now time to listen, to learn, and to love.
What do you think?
