It happens all the time: A guy spends months, even years, in a long-term relationship with a girl he really digs. But after dropping the I-don’t-see-myself-ever-getting-married bomb, he suddenly turns around and ties the knot with a new chick. The factors that tip a dude from steady relationship to “till death do us part” seem like the ultimate unsolved mystery … especially when you’re in a solid LTR and aren’t sure if your guy is even considering marriage.
It all comes down to some elusive qualities women have a hard time understanding but men are always on the lookout for, explains Willard Harley Jr., Ph.D., author of I Promise You: Preparing for a Marriage That Will Last a Lifetime. “Part of what makes him want to get married is chemistry and passion, but it’s also about certain actions and behaviors that are more concrete than you’d think,” says Harley. Below, we clue you in to five crucial traits that separate the girls men date from the ones who make them want to set a date.
Tie-the-Knot-Trait 1: She’s Exciting and Always Evolving
You know how every season finale of your favorite TV show ends with a million unanswered questions and you can’t freaking wait for the next one? Well, a girl can give her guy that same thrilling mix of exhilaration and anticipation by surprising him.
“She does this by being spontaneous and a little unpredictable, taking on new interests all the time, and revealing different facets of herself,” explains Alon Gratch, Ph.D., author of If Love Could Think. By never letting life get static, this woman busts the myth that being married means feeling humdrum. “She makes being with her an adventure, as if there’s always a new idea or activity just around the bend,” says Gratch.
“With most of my girlfriends, I feared that we’d run out of things to talk about if we spent too much time together. But when I met my fiancée, Gwen, I kept discovering new layers to her. One day she came home from work with a stack of cookbooks; the next week she told me stories about how she loved designing outfits in high school. She’s full of small surprises.” —Brett, 29
“I dated a lot of girls who liked pushing boundaries, but it all seemed a little forced. My wife’s sense of adventure, however, comes from within. She’s naturally driven to challenge herself by trying new things. That’s the kind of girl you want to marry. If you aren’t continually fascinated by each other, it won’t last.” —Rob, 38
“The thing that makes my fiancée so captivating: She takes risks. I don’t mean she bungee jumps off bridges. It’s more that when a new opportunity comes along — a different facet to her job or the chance to meet new people at an event or party — she grabs it and proceeds. Her boldness makes her enchanting.” —Bob, 27
