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My wife and I were at dinner last week with some friends. A happily married couple. That married couple told us about two other married couples that we were friendly with that are getting divorces. That’s right two couples in our small circle of married couple friends are getting divorces. Then we remembered that another married couple was seperated. And oh yeah, another couple got a divorce just a year ago. Is my life going backwards? Not long ago, all my friends were single. Then the majority of my friends were married. Am I going to wake up one day and most of my friends are going to be single again? I tell you what: I won’t be single with them.
Unless your friend is getting abused, he or she needs to stay. I don’t care if someone is cheating . . . if they are willing to get help. I don’t care if someone is spending up all the moolah. Money can be made. If you can get them to agree to start having consultations with a financial planner, work it out. I don’t care if someone won’t go to church. You keep going to church, you keep praying for them. God will make a way. (And you married them like that! You done got spiritual and now they are the devil, huh?) I don’t care if your spouse won’t help around the house. Get at me, I will tell you how to get them to help out around the house. Oooooh the one I don’t care about the most is the “We have grown apart” one or the “We are not happy anymore” one and the “It’s just too hard!” one. And don’t forget the “We are not IN LOVE anymore” one. Yeah, we can lump all those together. All of those are excuses. I used them to get out of my first marriage.
Single Folk, when I am talking about Marriage or Divorce, I am talking to you too! You know how many marriages I am trying to save right now? With the divorce rate climbing every year I won’t have time to save your marriage so you need to be paying attention right now so you can save your self! If you are single, stop worrying about when you are getting married and start worrying about how to stay married.
Married folk know what married folk go through. Marriage is tough but it will make a man out of you. It will make a woman out of her. They say it takes a community to raise a child. The reason why it takes a community is because the kid’s family is not together. Our new community outreach program is to knock on a neighbor’s door and say, “I heard you guys arguing last night, is every thing OK? If you need someone to talk to, I am here.”
The next time a married friend walks up to you says, “I think that me and my spouse are heading toward a divorce,” your response should not be “Why?” or “What’s going on?” Your first response, your immediate response is “No, y’all are not getting a divorce. Y’all are going to work that thang out. Give more, take less, love harder! What are you doing over here? Get home and get to work!” Having a successful marriage is hard work but there is nothing in life worth working harder for.
Our married friends need our support. Our positive support and our KEEP IT REAL support. I have looked multiple brothers in the eye and said to them, “That woman is out of line because she got on binoculars searching for her leader. Men, if you can’t lead, are not ready to lead, or don’t have leadership skills, ya gotta raise your hand and let that sistah know. And you are going to have to get cho butt to the back of the line.”
I have hugged a gang of sisters and allowed them to cry on my shoulder until they have calmed down and then I have said to them, “I would have cheated on you, too. You are not handling your business in the bedroom. You need to step your game up. How are you going to let another woman get YOUR man sprung? That should be impossible.”
I will trade all my friendships in for my friends to have successful marriages. I don’t have one friendship that I value over my friend’s marriage. I don’t need no fake friends. That’s what co-workers are for. Be fake with them. If you think that your homeboy is wrong, you have to be man enough to tell him. If you think your sistah gurl is tripping, you need to let her know. I actually have a homegirl to this day that is still mad at me because I chose her marriage instead of choosing her side. She is the first person I am going to send this article to. Our friendship has not been the same since I told her that she was not trying hard enough in her marriage.
I am putting all my friends on notice. “All advice that I give to you will be to the benefit of saving your marriage. I chose your marriage over you and over me. If you don’t like it, it’s probably your fault that you are even facing your divorce to begin with. I am not judging you but I am minding your business. Yes I got my own business to mind. In fact, you should mind some of my business because my marriage is on point. You need to “Get Like Me.”
Steven James Dixon