Via: defendernetwork.com
Keep in mind, context, timing and who is saying them is everything.
The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief:
1. At least she lived a long life; many people die young.
2. He is in a better place.
3. She brought this on herself.
4. There is a reason for everything.
5. Aren’t you over him yet? He has been dead for a while now.
6. You can have another child still.
7. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him.
8. I know how you feel.
9. She did what she came here to do, and it was her time to go.
10. Be strong.
The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief:
1. I am so sorry for your loss.
2. I wish I had the right words; just know I care.
3. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here if I can help in anyway.
4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
5. My favorite memory of your loved one is …
6. I am always just a phone call away.
7. Give a hug instead of saying something.
8. We all need help at times like this. I am here for you
9. I am usually up early or late if you need anything.
10. Say nothing; just be with the person
Many of us have said “the best” and “the worst.” We meant no harm. In fact, we were trying to comfort. A grieving person may say one of “the worst” about themselves, and it’s okay. It may even make sense for a member of the clergy to say, “He is in a better place,” when someone comes to them for guidance, whereas an acquaintance saying it may not help.
Here are some of the traits that make certain comments “the best” and “the worst.”
Traits of the Worst Ones:
1. They want to fix the loss.
2. Are about our own discomfort.
3. Are directive in nature.
4. Rationalize or try to explain loss.
5. May be judgmental.
6. Are not about the griever.
7. May minimize the loss.
8. Put a timeline on loss.
Traits of the Best Ones:
1. Are supportive without trying to fix it.
2. Are about feelings.
3. Are inactive and don’t tell anyone what to do.
4. Admit we can’t make it better.
5. Don’t ask for something or someone to change feelings.
6. Recognize the loss.
7. Don’t put time limits on grief.
David Kessler
Aol.health.com
