Listen Live

In my last post, “Manolos Vs. Maddens: A Lesson About Why Men Don’t Pursue,” I dealt with the question of why some men just don’t pursue to numerous quality women that are in their lives. I won’t repeat the entire article, but essentially the point was this — why pursue when you don’t have to?

However, I know some women probably read that and said, “We’re in the 21st century, why do I need to wait for a man to pursue me? I’m gonna get my man for myself. I’m not waiting on him.”

And I can understand their point. We do live in times that are culturally, very different from 50 years ago — heck, from 20 years ago. In a time when feminism and womanism is at, perhaps, an all time high, and “Miss Independent” is everywhere you look, I think it only natural that the question arises…

Should women pursue men?

First, let’s define what we mean when we use the term “pursue.” When I ask the question, “Should a woman pursue a man?” what I mean is, is it OK or acceptable to play the role of initiator, which is usually reserved for the man? Should she ask him out on a first date? Should she propose to him, instead of traditionally, him proposing to her?

There will undoubtedly be people vehemently standing behind their perspective on both sides. There’s the Biblical side, which will say that the Bible doesn’t say anything like, “She that finds a husband finds a good thing.” And then there will be the independent side which says, “This is a different time that calls for different measures. If I want something, I’m gonna get it.”

Some men find it appealing for a woman to ask him out first. For some, it’s an immediate turn-off. The key is balance. There are subtle and suggestive ways to show a man that you’re interested in him without being forthright and telling him directly. (That, honestly, may scare him off.) You do still want him to feel like a man, especially the man in this relationship, don’t you, Ladies? We feel like men when we’re allowed to take charge and lead. There’s nothing wrong with making suggestions, but determining the outright direction of the relationship, is, more often than not, better left to the man.

Also bear in mind that when it comes to relationships, what you create and build the relationship on, is what you’ll have to sustain it on. If you use sex as the foundation for your relationship, you’ll have to sustain it with sex. Once the sex is gone, you can be sure that the relationship is soon to follow suit. (side bar Praiseman belive in being married before sex)

This is important to note because it also applies to who leads the relationship, who “controls” and guides it. If the woman initiates a relationship with a man, she will always be at the helm. At what point does she give him control of the relationship? Why then? The answer is that she doesn’t. Who ever initiates control of the relation-ship, will have control for the duration of it’s journey.

Ultimately, I believe that it is a man’s duty to guide the relationship in the way that it should go. (I know plenty will disagree with me and that’s fine.) And if it’s a man’s duty or responsibility to control the relationship, then he must be the one to initiate, not only the relationship to begin with, but initiate each step as the couple grows closer and more intimate.

[Written by Stuart McDonald for For more from Stuart, check out his personal blog and follow him on Twitter]

Read more: