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Albany, GA – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast you should do a topic on sex in the marriage. A lot of my married potnahs have been complaining about the lack of sex in their marriage.
As stated in my book, If you can’t have sex with your husband twice a week you really don’t deserve a faithful husband. You should be banned from getting married. Wives should have to sign something stating that they understand sex twice a week is mandatory. We are talking about the bare minimum here, folks. Twice a week is baseline. That’s easy. Even the bad husbands should get sex twice a week.
Savannah, GA – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast the communication between me and my husband is horrible. We are not friends, half the time I think we don’t like each other. There has been infidelity on his part. I caught my husband at the hotel with this woman and it crushed me wholeheartedly. My self esteem dropped because I felt I wasn’t good enough for him and I’m the mother of his three children. Any advice on how we can save our marriage?n competition to be with her. Should I have stuck it out or did I do the right thing?
When I was single I believed that ALL women wanted me. I am not being arrogant or cocky. I am saying, if a woman wants a husband that’s me. I never looked at dating as a competition. Those other suckers did not have a chance! I paid no attention to what the woman I was dating was doing when she wasn’t with me. I focus on the things that I control. My actions will make her want to leave him alone to be with me.
In my book I write about a woman that I had to leave that I was dating that I really cared about. I had to leave her because I found out that she was still dating her ex-boyfriend. NOW THAT IS A COMPETTION! I advise both men and women to not date anyone that is still dating one of their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. When pre-existing emotions are involved you lose every time. Don’t date anyone that has been out of a relationship less than a year. They are not ready for another committed relationship. They will say that they are because they are USED TO having a significant other around them at all times. Soon after they commit to you they will sabotage the relationship. Surprise, you were the rebound. Don’t date any one that still loves with the baby momma or the baby daddy. I don’t have any fancy advice on this one, that person is just asking too much of you and you don’t even know them like that.
All marriages can be saved. All. I no longer believe in divorce. Divorce is not an option. You have to forgive him. Forgiveness is not an option. When you agree to marry a person what you are really saying is that you love them enough that you can forgive them when they make a mistake. If he has apologized for his mistake, if you are confident that he won’t make the same mistake again, if he agrees to get counseling, forgiveness from you should be a guarantee. You cannot do anything or go anywhere in a marriage without forgiveness. If you cannot forgive, get a divorce because if you are unhappy now, get use to it because your marriage is going to stay just like it is today.
Once you forgive him, you will start to regain your self esteem. Then you have to heal. Heal yourself. You have survived the worst part so now it’s about being the best wife in the world. You are to be the best wife in the world regardless of how good or bad your husband is. I am not saying that he deserves the best wife, I am saying that you promised him the best wife when you said “I Do”. He can’t heal you, he can only apologize.
After you have learned how to forgive, gained back your self esteem and healed the final step is making a commitment to re-learn your spouse. He has changed, so have you. You can do it! Best of luck to you. All of these things that I am telling you to do, he has to do the same. We have to save our marriages!
Washington DC - Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I am 31 and the man I am seeing is 42. Although we’ve never been on date we have had sex and . . . STOP RIGHT THERE! It don’t even matter what else you have to say.
When I was pimping, and I had been pimping, since pimping been pimping, if I hit it before I spent money on you then you would NEVER EVER see my greenbacks! My house or yours from then on. I would stop off on the way to your house and GET ME A BURGER! It’s like you let me drive off the car lot with a Bentley and you didn’t check my credit and you let me put zero down! (It is a Bentley right or is it like a Beetle? A Ford Escape? Hyundai?) From that point on your relationship (B.K.A your meetings for sex) was doomed.
Ya got to value yourself more. It starts with you. If you don’t value yourself more, why should he? If you don’t value yourself than that means that no one in the relationship (B.K.A your meetings for sex) values you. You have self esteem problems because you don’t love you. You want some one else to love you before you love yourself. It don’t work like that. Get up right now and go look in the mirror and point at that chick and tell her that you love her. Right now. GO! I’ll wait. I got some more questions to work on anyway. You need to read my responses to all questions. Matter of fact you need to read everything thing I have ever wrote. EVER!
Detroit, MI – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast . . . we got into an argument and he beat the crap out of me . . . . . . STOP RIGHT THERE! It don’t even matter what else you have to say.
A man’s swag should not allow him to hit a woman because it would not be a fair fight. I have been struck by at least three different women during my HO-ing days and not one time did I ever feel the need to hit any of them back. I have supreme confidence that I would tear a woman limb from limb in a one on one fight. ALL MEN SHOULD FEEL LIKE THIS. My wife would need her sister, her mother, my sister and mother and at least two of her friends for me to even consider the bout . . . and even then, they would have to catch me after a long day in the yard and off guard sleeping to have a chance.
If he won’t go to counseling immediately, then you need to go some where ELSE immediately. Is having a man really that serious. Either I am not the RelationshipBeast because I don’t understand that or . . . or . . . scratch that I am the RelationshipBeast and you need to get your foot game popping. Walk-it-out.
Chicago, IL – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast how do you feel about dating a few people at once to find that one. I was dating a woman but she told me to continue to see other women because she wanted to see other men BUT when I asked her if she said that she was very interested in me. I stop talking to her because I didn’t want to feel like I was in a competition.
I teach men to bring everything to the table. Be the best man that you can be starting on day #1. Maybe my swag is higher than everybody else’s or something because if I was dating a woman I always felt that she wanted me even if she was dating someone else. I felt like that because I was a gentlemen, I knew how to treat a woman. I knew how to make a woman feel special like she was the only woman in the world. I could cook, I could clean, I had good credit, I was up in the church house, why would she not want me. If you are doing what you are supposed to be doing, GET CHO SWAG UP! It aint no competition, you da man!
In my book I did tell a story about when I was dating a woman and I found out that she was still dating her ex-boyfriend. I liked her but she got the boot! When a person is still involved with the ex, there are pre-existing feelings there. THAT IS A COMPETTION and you will lose every time.
Don’t date anybody that has only been out of a relationship less than a year. Don’t date anybody that still lives with the baby momma or the baby daddy. Don’t date anybody that claims to be separated. Don’t date anybody that has a ring on their ring finger. Don’t date anybody that says that their wife doesn’t appreciate them. Don’t date anybody that says that their husband doesn’t care about them. I am sure that I am missing some one.
Dallas, TX – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast my man has had some college, but did not complete his degree. He is trying to get a painting/decorating business off the ground but that doesn’t seem to be working out. I’ve had conversations with him about finding employment while trying to start this business, but it goes over his head. In my opinion, he’s not very ambitious and he has no long term goals, only short term goals. I have asked him where does he see himself in 2, 5 or 10 years and he has no answers. He seems to be content in collecting employment, hanging with the boys and smoking weed. I’ve tried to be understanding thinking he’s in a rut and will come out, but it’s getting old and tired. How much longer should I give this relationship?
Do you need me to tell you to leave or are you going to do it on your own? Read YOUR description of YOUR man and you tell me what you think you should do.
New York, NY – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast my man is a “hothead”. He doesn’t know how to communicate, meaning he’s always right and you’re wrong, period! He is always on Facebook, Twitter, and Skype having conversations with other females. I have to be honest and say I don’t know what these conversations are about and I feel like if I asked him he would go crazy! What should I do?
My message for single women is to “DATE MORE & LEAVE EARLIER”. Leaving earlier is about leaving before you get angry. Leaving before the relationship turns bad. Leaving before you are burnt on relationships. Leaving before you are hurt and then you lose another year of your life trying to get over him. Leaving early so you can DATE MORE. Dating more so you have a backup plan and don’t have to put up with this crap from men and you can leave early.
You can’t date a guy and then marry a guy that you are afraid to have a conversation with about what he is doing. Successful relationships have balance and respect. Are you afraid to leave?
Charlotte, NC – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I am 25 years old and I recently suggested the idea of having an open relationship to my husband. He became pretty upset at the notion and was completely against it. However, I’m still very interested. He thinks it’s a bad idea especially since we’re parents of 3 little boys but I don’t think our kids have anything to do with my sexual desires. Is there a way you think we can come to some type of agreement or should we go separate ways because we clearly want different things sexually?
Ok I know that Solomon, David, many Kings and Pharaohs had multiple wives in the bible but that was in the Old Testament and before Christ. But even then, a woman that had multiple partners was considered a whore. You already had an Open Marriage, it was called Dating. Your obvious problem is that you have had “Hot Pantz” your entire life. How did you pump out 3 kids by the age of 25? You spreaded them too early and often, got knocked up and decided “I like sex so much, why not have it sin free?” So you moved out to the suburbs and have been living the dream until reality set in and your single girlfriend who just graduated from the frat house told you that we now live under the New Testament and we have a New Covenant with God. A part of that New Covenant is that marriage is between one man and one woman. You missed those years of getting banged out in college, sorry.
I am adamantly against open marriages. I would have more respect for you if you were a recovering Adulterer. It’s not that you guys want different things sexually. It’s you who wants something different sexually than the vast majority of married people. Don’t try to make your new found desires your husband’s problem. If you want something different “Woman Up”! You changed he did not.
Chicago, IL - Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast how long should I wait to see if a guy is going to act right? I’m trying to be patient but he’s hot and cold, but then hot again.”
My advice to women in your scenario is this: It is time to issue an ultimatum. Not to him. To you. You know your value. You know what you deserve. There is not a magical length of time. You know the quality of woman you are. You know if there are other men who would appreciate your attention. Bounce. Never WAIT on a man. Newsflash – Men don’t wait on women.
Is there no one else left in the world with swag besides me?
Virgina Beach, VA – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast here is my issue: my baby daddy and I have known each other since we were in 6th grade. I’ve been the other woman through TWO of his marriages. . . . STOP RIGHT THERE! It don’t even matter what else you have to say.
If you don’t think that you deserve more then you will never have more. You know what a man does when he finds out that a woman is waiting on him? He makes her wait! What’s the rush, she is waiting. Why would he be with you when he can have you on the side? Whatever he is telling you, you can believe it if you want to, he may believe what he is saying too, but I don’t believe any of it. The truth should have set you free a long, long time ago. He was legally married. That is the truth. That means that you are free. You are not a mistress, you are not the other woman, you are a concubine. You might as well live in his basement. You may deserve or desire this for your life but your daughter doesn’t. I bet you can get someone else. I bet you can leave him and find a man who would really love you but you have to want some one different for your life. You don’t move on from bad relationships based on feelings, moving on is based on a decision. Fantasia, I mean Alicia Beats, I mean Ms. Virginia Beach you have to decide that you are 100% woman so you require 100% of a man. You are what you deserve. (If you really are in the basement, have him rent the movie Shawshank Redemption for you. Do what they did. You will be out in no time.)
Shreveport, LA – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast it started when he lost his employment. My family has connections with the city to get him a job. This fool never went to the set up interviews or nothing. He moved back into his mama house. He is back smoking weed and playing video games all day. I actually caught him with another woman and he said that she was his cousin’s chick. WHY I CANT I TELL DUDE TO GET OUT MY LIFE AND LEAVE ME ALONE? I always start to feeling sorry for his monkey butt and take him back….please help me help my self to help find true love!
You cannot be serious.
Steven James Dixon
“Men Don’t Heal, We Ho – A Book About the Emotional Instability of Men” is now available on http://www.RelationshipBeast.com.
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