By: Rich Santos
Do you ever find yourself checking your ex’s Facebook page, or asking mutual friends what’s new in your ex’s life? You know-the indirect stalking strategy?
Letting go is one of the toughest elements of a breakup. No one likes saying “goodbye,” or coming to grips with the fact that they have to move on, or that something didn’t succeed.
Here are the reasons (and solutions to those reasons) why it’s so hard to let go:
There Is Always Something There To Remind You
Once a person is gone, all you have left are pieces of their memory. This can range from a strand of hair to a ticket stub from a special date, to a song. If you’re especially sentimental (weak-minded) like me, you’ve probably saved many reminders.
Solution: I know it’s hard to throw stuff away, but, you can always stow away for later, when you’re able to look back fondly at things without all those negative emotions. Put it all in a box under the bed. Go cold turkey on that special song, avoid the cologne or perfume they wore, etc. It’s like breaking an unhealthy habit.
There’s A Human Network
It’s ok to hold on to friendships with an ex’s friends and family, but it would behoove you to avoid seeing these friends for a while.
It’s all too easy to ask a mutual friend what your ex is up to. I’ve found myself “hanging out” more with mutual friends after breakups just to check up on my ex. Not healthy.
Solution: Avoid mutual friends, as painful and rude as it seems. And if you see them, you should not ask about your ex-limit conversation subjects to future and present, not the past.
…and an Internet Network
My friend Jess has a terrible habit of continuing to follow her exes on Facebook after a breakup. This does nothing but infuriate her.
She’ll inform me that her ex is “happier than he’s ever been,” or seeing an annoying girl she knows.
Solution: De-friend them on Facebook so you can’t see what they are up to. Even if you think you can avoid looking, the temptation will be there. Be diligent about cutting off contact across the internet.
It’s So Easy To Jump In So Fast
How many times have you had to end a relationship because you couldn’t stop thinking about your ex? If you’re not over him, and you can’t have him, you might get into another relationship in order to replace him. Eventually, it’s going to come back to haunt you because you’ll eventually realize there are things you haven’t dealt with.
Solution: You should wait until you’re over your ex before getting into another serious relationship. But it’s tough to wait. It’s not like you want to give up a chance just because you’re not over your ex. Also, sometimes you think you’re over your ex even though you’re not. Hey, I never said these solutions would be easy!
It’s Tough To Stay Motivated
When you’re down in the dumps over losing someone, it’s easy to turn inward and avoid going out, meeting people, even working. But the more unmotivated you are, the easier it is to obsess over the person you’re trying to let go of.
Solution: You literally have to force yourself to stay busy and distracted. Not only will you meet people and remain productive, but you will find that you’re not thinking about that person too much…which will help you let go.
In order to turn away from someone mentally, spiritually and physically, it takes power, motivation, force, and faith. You can do it because, in most cases, you were happy without this person before you met them-so you can be happy again.
Do you agree with my list above, and what do you think is the toughest thing about letting go of someone. What are your solutions?