Me and my husband have been married for 10 years, and he truly is the love of my life. Tragedy struck my family in March of 2007 when my husband was involved in a car accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down. It’s been really hard on me and our four kids but mostly on him. He was very active and used to help our sons’ coaches with their sports, he played a lot of sports also and was very active with our little girl. I know it’s taken a shot to his pride and manhood in ways that I can’t imagine with me having to do everything short of spoon feeding him. Despite all that, he’s still the optimistic, funny, charismatic man I fell in love with. His attitude about the accident is, “it could’ve been worse and I thank God I’m alive.” There is not a day that passes that I don’t admire his strength and courage and the example he’s setting for our kids. It’s been three years and we’ve kind of gotten over the shock and recovery part of it and we’ve reached a point of normalcy and that makes me happy because in the beginning, I didn’t ever think we could be “normal” again. My problem is this, I cannot make love to my husband because of the paralysis. Doctors say that in time he may regain feeling and be able to walk with the use of a walker but they believe it’s unlikely. It frustrates me to no end to think I will never be able to be intimate with my husband again. He’s even said he would understand if I needed to venture outside our marriage to fulfill my sexual needs because we had a very healthy sex life, but the thought of being with anyone else is sickening. I’ve never been the masturbating type but he’s suggested it and said he wants to participate in some way. I’m a little uneasy about this because it’s uncharted territory for the both of us and in all honesty a little awkward. I know it sounds ridiculous but how do I get over this?
Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your touching story! Based off what you’ve described, you and your husband have a beautiful friendship and marriage. You two have the love so many people search for for a lifetime! “Through sickness and health” are just words, for some, until they’re faced with adversity and with that being said, you’ve been a wonderful wife to your husband. Do you know how many women would’ve bailed by now? Or taken up on an offer to venture outside the marriage for sexual pleasure? You’re a woman of remarkable strength yourself! Hats off to you and your husband!
So your husband tells you that he would understand if you found someone else to fulfill your sexual needs but you’re not at all interested in being with anyone else. So what are you going to do? You’ve got needs and your husband wants to do what he can to fulfill them, so let him! If he wants to watch, let him watch and, assuming his hands are fully functional, he can help! Never underestimate the power of touch! It’s a hugely overlooked part of intimacy that, as people, we don’t do enough because we’re so focused on the end result. Get comfortable with touching yourself and allowing him to touch you also and communicate your likes and dislikes. Once he finds the spots and areas that are most arousing to you, he will master the technique if it means pleasing you again. So don’t be uneasy about having to take a different approach to your intimacy, it’s vital in a marriage and it’s only going to bring you closer!
Just like it took some time for you to establish a sense of normalcy in your household, it’s going to take some time to get reacquainted in the bedroom. Be open to trying new things with your husband and don’t be afraid to get creative! Surely, with the love you have for each other you can discover a new realm of sensuality to fulfill the sexual desires you have for each other and, in time, it will become a natural occurrence. You can do this, sis! You can do it! Hope this helps, good luck to you and keep loving on your husband!